He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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