Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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