I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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