TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
