I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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