i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
