If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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