If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
