This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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