I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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