Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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