So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
