I want to make a zoo with you.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
