Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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