dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
