She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
