I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
