I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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