I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
