omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think a kid would responsible me up
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
