I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
