u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dicks are not precious.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
