i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to calm my uterus...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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