oh god the rape fog is back!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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