every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
