I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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