that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
