just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
