i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didn't shave. On purpose
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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