i don't like sucking hair
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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