weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
