i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
