I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
