just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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