dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
