I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
