and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
