I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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