I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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