someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
