I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
