I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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