omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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