they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
