I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
