yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I touched a dick in church today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
