I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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