Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
FUCK WHALES
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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