Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
