In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
